Battlefield: Heroes

So EA just dished out a new video describing what their upcoming browser based FPS ‘Battlefield: Heroes’ is all about.

Link to Video.

I couldn’t help but laugh when I watched it the first time through. It is obvious that EA is taking a step away from their more ’serious’ view on war which can be seen in their other Battlefield games.Instead, Heroes takes a more laid back and humorous approach to the worlds darkest era, using cartoon like graphics and physics.

Although I am a fan of ‘dark’ and ‘realistic’ game play, I know for sure I will enjoy goofy game play style as well.

Some of the highlights from the video:

Sitting on the wings of a plane while it is flying and doing stunts, all while pelting the battlefield with your machine gun strangely seems familiar to some of things people do in the other Battlefield games. So I guess they just let you do funky stuff like that now. The first scene they showed the troops sitting on the plane… I lol’d.

“not getting shot in the face repeatedly by a swearing, ultra-skilled 15 year old who plays the game every day for 8 hours.”

This, my friend, is why I give a lot of my credit to this game. It is about time game developers understood that this factor really drives off some people, including me. Amen to adding [not] in front of that statement. Being splattered across the battlefield by abnormally skilled kids 10 years younger than you is not something I look for in a gaming experience. Being challenged is one thing, being tied into a human knot is another.

I think it is going to turn out to be a fun game, I will for sure give it a try.

Upcoming Goodies

It appears Brady slapped a link to this site on his page. What was once an audience of 1 or maybe 2, might become a few more.

So, I want to actually start writing more opinionated articles rather than self centered psycho posts (see the last one I wrote)

I also would like to do some funky things with this site as well.

I am going to see what I can do about getting Fraps up and running on my PC, since I always thought it would be cool if one could share some pretty awesome moments during a game with just a click of a button.

I also am planning on submitting replays to sites such as http://planetcoh.gamespy.com/ which I will be sure to post links to if they actually host them.

I admit I haven’t really done much looking into it at all, but I would like to find some kind of file hosting site that I can hoard my videos  and then post links here whenever I need to really show an example of what I mean. That is, if wordpress doesn’t have that for you already.

Lets see where I can take this.

What CoH has done to me – A look into gaming Psychology

I have been pondering from time to time about why perhaps my mindset has completely changed over the past year concerning competition in my gaming, primarally against another human being.I will be the first to tell anyone that I am not generally good at most games, and it takes a lot of practice to actually be able to compete. Sure I can play them just fine, but there is a certain level in expertise I hit and I cannot seem to surpass. This is usually why I never reach “pro status” even though I do (well did, before college came along) play a lot. I am decent. My most notable example is warcraft III and its custom games like DOTA. I am not bad, but not pro.That was until CoH came along. I am not one to brag (pet peeve) but I would say I am very good at this game. I gained a great deal of momentum even before the game came out, and I won game after game hands down. And with that came confidence.I never saw it coming, but I suddenly found myself becoming bored with winning, more specifically winning against players that never stood a chance, and were not close to my skill level. When a guy came along that was an equal however, dang, I loved that feeling. When I played against someone on a level to step playing field regarding skill, it was like a fierce game of chess, the victory never clearly decided until the very end.I enjoyed both winning and losing in those situations, and congratulated the opponent, thanking them for such a fun game and good fight, something I never did in any other game.My point is, CoH, without me really realizing it, changed the way I thought about competitive gaming.In a bad way.Allow me to explain.The only difference between CoH and WC3 regarding skill was I was much better at one than the other. I enjoyed losing in CoH because I knew I did my best (which I believed to be close to all that was possible) I was confident in my ability.After being placed into that mindset, I set myself up to fail when I played (DOTA) I found myself suddenly playing a game that I knew next to nothing about.I was so used to playing a game that I had mastered that I became frustrated when the poo hit the fan and I didn’t know what to do. There is a difference in “knowing” you lost the game because the other opponent bested you, or that you simply stunk the game up. The later really scrambled my eggs for me, a feeling I long since banished when I played CoH.It all started making sense when feelings of frustration I found so unique to WC3 began to show up in CoH, namely when I played team games with Drew. 2-2 was a new setting for me, and there I was, feeling frustrated again.Yes, I understand it is kind of strange that I even spent the slightest amount of time trying to figure these things out about my experience playing video games, but I feel for everyones sake it is a problem that needs to be fixed.Can’t say this knowledge will do anything, or that I am even correct, but at least I think I know what is going on. 

Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3

EA has just announced the next game in their C&C series, C&C Red Alert 3!!

YES FREAKIN’ YES!!

Red Alert is a unique style to the RTS universe, as it takes a more “light-hearted” approach to war in contrast to the more dark themed C&C Tiberium Wars. I mean you got armored bears, attack dolphins, and teleportation.

Also, a third team has been added, the flippin’ Chinese. Hmmm… they always seem to popping up as a baddy.
IRL Foreshadowing? YOU DECIDE. (Yes)

The only thing I don’t like about this is that in order to get into the beta you have to purchase something called “Kanes Wrath” which might be an expansion to C&C 3… or worse.

Favorite Games

 

(Another 2-hour break narrative)           

 

Most of my palls know that when school isn’t there put a choke hold on my free time, I am an avid gamer, and have been for some time. However, contrary to some might believe, I don’t play every game that I come across. In fact, although I have the ability to make any game fun in one way or another, I prefer a very small scope of games. These games are ones that I find myself to be good at, especially when it involves online play against other players. But one of the biggest things I look for in a game, especially single player campaigns, is a good story. Flashy graphics and PvP play, although good to have, doesn’t mean much to me. I want more… It is hard for me to explain what exactly I mean by that, so I will go through a number of games that defined my experience as a gamer.

These are my all time favorites.

 

Command and Conquer: Tiberium Dawn

1995, 13 years ago. I was 7.

 

Besides playing Lemmings and various Indiana Jones games I played with my father, C&C was the very first real computer game I played. At that time I did not own a SNES, or even a SEGA Genesis, and my dad’s computer was all I really had gaming wise.

Now, Command and Conquer TD has a campaign based single player aspect to it, and no Skirmish mode. The story depicts the struggle between a “World Police”, USA like, team known as the GDI who’s goal is to rid the world of the bad guys, while protecting the good guys, and against them, the radical terrorist group the Brotherhood of Nod who after discovering a new economical good, are growing very powerful and aim to expand their influence around the world.

The emblem of the Brotherhood is a scorpion’s tail, and being a 7 year old (although I don’t think I have changed much) I decided to play their missions first, because it looked cool.

Before every mission, your ‘commander’ named Seth comes on screen and tells you what is going down? Being a super terrorist group, he talked all about his worldview, and how the oppressors must die. Lets just say as a kid I found it a bit hard to follow the complex plot that rivals some Tom Clancy novel, but I did pick up on brutal and crafty nature of the terrorists, and how they were aiming to take down a far greater foe for their cause. Your commander even starts a separate sect from the main cell, and is killed on screen by the Brotherhood’s big cheese, Kane.

The single player, although simple, was very difficult for me as a 7 year old. Some missions required me to do some rather daring things, like assassinate a chief scientist, steal a nuke from a base, nuke the base with it, overcome a force much larger than your own, constructing a base in secret knowing that a single attack from your enemy will destroy you, plan and conduct an attack on a heavily defended foe, and ultimately take control of the enemies dreaded satellite born super weapon and use it against them, destroying the White House, Eiffel Tower, some building in Beijing (you got to choose, and then watch the landmark explode)

I got through the campaign maybe after a month. Around the middle of the campaign your team starts to lose it, and the commander clearly makes this known by getting pissed. I was drawn into the game so far, as it was such a new experience, so I literally felt bad for my team, as if I was on it. The propaganda they spewed throughout the campaign denouncing the GDI actually prevented me from playing their own campaign after I finished the other campaign. It was indeed a pretty crazy experience. And it set the ground for what I liked in games from then on out. 12 years later, the third sequel of this game came out, and like I did 13 years ago, first chance I got, I hopped on the Nod’s team and led them to victory.

But I am so past being a fanatical follower to a video game charact…

KANE LIVES IN DEATH!! 

 

Bioshock

6 months ago or so.

 

Wow, where to start. One of the greatest games of all time, it proved that you don’t need an awesome multiplayer system, nor amazing combat scenes, to become an epic experience.

 

What did it in for this game was the storyline, and the chilling atmosphere this game creates, which takes place in a city at the bottom of the sea called Rapture.

 

The storyline is so extensive there is no way I could sum it up. But geez, when Andrew Ryan preaches the words,”Would you kindly… such a powerful phrase…”

Wow, before he could even explain what was going on the whole game suddenly made more sense. I mean, Jack somehow crashes right next to a lighthouse in the middle of the ocean, finds his way into an submarine utopia, finds a syringe filled with some strange fluid, and decides the best course of action is to stab himself with it, when actually he was commanded unconsciously to do all that from the start. I found myself never really asking myself why the heck Jack would be doing all this crap for Atlas, like tromping through rapture and bludgeoning to death every citizen he comes in contact with and going on a warpath with Ryan, a guy who liked to be left alone.

That feeling of suddenly realizing the plot twist, geez, it was a good experience.

 

Other than that, the atmosphere the game took place was chilling to say the least.

To see paradise on earth destroyed and tainted by it’s own citizens who now wander around the city muttering gibberish, driven insane by reckless genetic splicing.

They really did well when they portrayed human insanity.

I think one scene in the game really made this whole fact chilling:

You walk into a bar that has long been deserted and trashed; yet one man is seen sitting up at the bar. He keeps muttering stuff like “Service sucks here… its really slow today” and “What is taking yall so long?” Even when it is clear no one is around to serve him. If you get near him he will scream “ABOUT DANG TIME!” and attempt to beat you to death with a pipe.

They also say some pretty funny stuff, given that they are insane, such as constantly repeating the “Jesus loves me this I know” song, and the docs mutter “Nurse… can you please help me find my patient, nurse.” When there is no one near him, or when chasing you with a bunch of grenades they yell, “It’s just a standard procedure! Gees!”

 

Yeah, pretty crazy. It’s like being placed into an insanity ward the size of a city, at the bottom of the ocean, without any guards or doors between you and the inmates. Oh yes.

 

With the motto “No God, No King, Only man”, it is obvious what happened. There will always be a God, and a king amongst men, and rapture tore itself apart trying to fight that reality, a concept, which I think, is foreshadowing to say the least.

 

Overall, I would say this was one of the better games I am going to see during College.

“Once again, young Fitz Patrick”

 

Company of Heroes

September 14th to present

 

This one takes the cake for sure. It was as if the heavens parted and sent down this game just for me, because it fits everything I ever wanted in an RTS game experience.

 

The moment I heard about it I was excited, as I was really interested in the WWII era, and to hear that a WWII RTS was coming out, I knew my time had come.

 

I jumped into the beta the day it came out using my FilePlanet account subscription. This ‘closed’ beta actually closed a few days later, so there really weren’t too many people on.

My first experiences of the game were some of the greatest I have ever had regarding an RTS game. I quickly got the hang of it, playing as the German army mostly, and after a couple crushing defeats I began to win game after game, trial and error style.

 

Once the actual game came out, and even before it in the open beta, I had a huge head start in knowledge of the games state of the art mechanics, realism based game play, and it’s ultra tactical style, all of which took a step away from anything before it. With such a lead, I butchered everyone before me. A factor I think lasts to this very day.

 

Why I like it:

At first, I was drawn into the fact that this game allows you to play as the Axis for once. Most WWII themed games pit you against the fury of the Axis war machine as an American soldier. Sure killing Nazi’s was fun, but it got old after a while.

I was really interested to see how they would portray them in contrast with the Allied forces.

 

I was not disappointed.

 

I think THQ did an amazing job keeping to history when they portrayed the two very different sides. The German infantry for the most part are as tough as nails, knowing all too well that their once glorious conquest is now coming to an end and they are fighting for the very survival of their homeland. Their war machine is frightening, displaying technology decades ahead of their time, yet it all costs so much to produce in game, which reflects the reality of how the Germans lost the war.

 

THQ also did a good job portraying the invading Americans, whose highly efficient war machine pumps out sheer quantity over quality, drawing from the fact that America as an industrial giant was spitting out tons of supplies, a pleasure the Germans did not have.

The two campaign endings are a good example of the contrast in tones between the Allies and Axis.  

 

 

Even the music describes the two very different situations the Allies and the Axis are in. The allies have a fully orchestrated soundtrack, with proud marches and an epic sound to it. The German soundtrack on the other hand, depicts the sheer frustration and despair of an army witnessing their once glorious and proud empire dissolve into nothing before their eyes. Some of their music sounds pretty bizarre, as if the orchestra is trying to depict a dying animal, a huge change from the more pleasant music the allies have.

The Allies are fighting to rid the world of oppression, the Germans are fighting to prevent their nation from perishing from the earth.

 

 

To sum that up, they did a good job of showing the differences between these two opposing forces in every aspect. Not many gamers really care too much when it comes to the stuff I said above, but for me, very small details like that really add greatly to the experience. I value and praise creativity, and story telling.

 

The troops also interact with the terrain was well. For example, on one of my favorite maps I use a graveyard near a church for a rallying point, just because it is out of range of an enemy mortar position that they often use across a river. Sometimes the troops will say stuff when they walk by there like, “This is a bad omen…” or “I kissed my first girl in a graveyard.”

When walking about the map, they say stuff like “I miss playing the piano. I heard there are some laying about the battlefield.” Reminds me of a scene in the movie “The Pianist.”

 EDIT: Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkUVb1AJbSM

(For me, this scene + about 3 minutes after was one of the most touching I have ever seen in a movie, you can almost see the German officer being granted a revelation.  Brilliance, IMO)   

When walking by an abandoned farm tractor, the German troops sometimes say “We never had one of those on my farm, not even a mule, I had to do all the plowing” or “Who would leave this thing behind?’ Probably the German troops are pretty poor.

When I called one of my damaged halftracks back to the base for repairs, one of the engineers whispers to his buddy “Look… there is blood on the door handle…”

When you reinforce a German Volkes squad, the squad captain will say in a rude manor, “Want to know how the man you are replacing died?” or “Hey new guy, you better not screw things up.” While the more elite Grenadiers simply say, “Welcome to the squad, brother.”

A German Sniper after killing several troops will mutter, “God, please have mercy on my soul…”

They also say some humorous stuff, like when the German troops sometimes yell to the Allies, “Are there any POW camps in California?” Or when it is raining, German tank crewmen will say, “Rain… Open-top tank…genius engineering…”

 

THQ did a good job of humanizing the models on the battlefield of a computer game.

 

Now onto the game play.

 

What I like most about the RTS experience CoH brings is the focus on realism.

Games like C&C were not realistic at all. While not a huge problem, it did get a bit annoying when infantry shredded tanks with no problem at all, or troops and tanks had such amazing accuracy they were able to hit 100% of the time.

 

 

Here are several of the things I find make CoH such a unique experience while playing.

 

In CoH, tanks are portrayed as they were meant to be portrayed, hulking metal behemoths invulnerable to small arms fire. They are huge, unlike other RTS games, and smash their way around the battlefield. Some people may get frustrated when their tank clumsily clips a building, causing it to get stuck, or misses infantry almost all the time, but in reality, the crewmen really couldn’t see too much of the outside world from inside the beast, and it took a well coordinated crew to move, locate targets, and destroy them.

And the noise they make… geez. One of the most chilling scenes in Saving Private Ryan was when the greatly reduced American defense force was guarding a bridge, and waiting for the approaching German army. Before they even got close, the poor soldiers could hear the grinding wheels of an approaching tank as it thundered its way towards them, growing louder and louder. Tanks are loud and scary things. CoH brings that to the game quite well as I relived that scene time and time again, since I can hear a tank approaching the front lines well before my troops can actually see it.

 

Troops miss.

Yeah, seems like such a small thing, but if you think about it, not too many RTS games really show that. WC3 is the only RTS game I can think of that this concept is actually shown, and even then the game only shows a MISS sign pop over their unit when he misses, yet you see the projectile clearly slam into the target.

In CoH, troops miss. A lot. Almost 70-80% of the time. Whether this percentage accurately portrays how often a trooper missed a target I don’t know, but I would bet it is pretty close. Troops miss so much it often becomes frustrating, and this factor alone can decide the victor in small skirmishes.

In this game, the difference in damage inflicted between two different units is based on what gun they are using, and how accurate they are with it.

For example, a German Volks Squad (Noob squad) and the more elite Grenadiers both use the same rifle, yet have different damage ratings. This is because one unit is more skilled with a rifle than they other. Real cool.

Even snipers miss, up too 30% of the time.

 

Artillery is amazing too, from incredible explosions to the sounds they make when they fire. I like how you can clearly hear incoming artillery fired from the other side of the map, giving you a chance to move your troops back. Artillery is also pretty darn inaccurate, and hits all over, and sometimes around, the target area. It is pretty devastating too, as a direct hit from a howitzer on an infantry unit will pound them to dust.

 

Another thing I like about this game is that each team is not good and bad at one thing, i.e., have a weakness and a strength. Most RTS games strive to banish that issue from the start, yet it develops over time that one team is good at say, defending, and another is forced to rush or be put on the offensive just because of this. In CoH, the army you play as is a conventional army, and you have everything you need to win a war. Starting a multiplayer game and saying, “I’m going tanks.” Or “I’m massing infantry” will immediately prove to me that CoH is a bit too much for you. It doesn’t work that way. Thinking WC3 style won’t cut it. For example, Infantry and Artillery are to support tanks. Units are meant to work together. Blitzkrieg was so successful because of this.

Time and time again I play against a player that will spit out several tanks and try and attack me head on with them. They are nothing but scrap metal when not supported, unless your enemy is a moron.

Sure some players can point out the fact that Panzer Elite is amazing when played aggressively, and the British can defend like no other team. It is a lie. No team is limited to a few strategies based on their abilities. I gunned down hordes of rushing Allies with the Panzer Elite, and Blitzkrieged my way through enemy lines with the British. In fact, I play the British aggressively, I think they are good at it.

 

 

All in all, CoH is one of my favorite games. Hopefully, another will take its place some day, because CoH is spoiling me. It is all I ever wanted in an RTS, I just hope another will outdo it someday.

 

There is my rant, all done during a break in the MU.

 

 

The Awakening

 

  • Apparently this site is now gaining and audience, so I will be placing some of my thoughts on these pages when I find time.  
  • In other news, I picked up Crisis the other day. Although I am not able to flesh out the graphics to even close to eye candy levels, the combat style and the story line really hooked me in the pre-release demo.  I was not let down, and so far the game is delivering a very powerful experience.  

I used to have an old Xanga blog which I am deleting, these are some of the more epic stories I wrote:

   Brothers in Arms: Road to Epic Failure Road to Epic FailureWas flipping through a game manual looking for a scrap of info and I cam across an add for a new World War II game. Nothing new, they have thousands of ‘em out there. This one looked retarded for a couple of reasons. The image depicts an epic scene where a hero is seen carrying a wounded comrade WHILE blasting the krauts with a one-handed thompson (would love to see someone try that) And can someone please tell me why he is lugging his wounded pall into a (epic) fire fight? The only reason my crazed mind can think up is that he plans to use his buddy as a meat shield. The cold stare pasted on his ugly face reveals that this is true. This man is indeed disturbed. The background yields yet another disturbing picture. An obviously physically(and/or)mentally handicapped soldier is attempting to leap in the air. Guess the army took in anyone back then. What? These guys trying to funny by throwing handicaps in the line of fire? Sick. Just Sick. Shame on them!More like road to failure if you ask me. Then something more caught my eye. Scrawled under rambo were the words, “Based on a true story”..?I guess the game designers think the kiddies are losing their grip on our history, and they have to remind them that this “wonderful” game is based on a bit of our history. Reminds me of my brother martin who when asked while playing Call of Duty II who he was fighting and why, he answered, “It doesn’t matter idiot, as long as there is random shooting involved it is a good game.”  The German Test of ‘06:Although I studied for more than four hours the other day, the test I took this morning proved to be more than a match for my knowledge on the this language known as German. I arrived early to I could cram in a precious 10 min of studying, but I found whatever I looked at bounced right off my coffee fueled mind. I was ready, so I thought. My teacher the came the room, and the moment I saw her long black leather boots she was wearing I knew something was wrong. Horribly wrong. The test was passed out, and we were forced to listen to a couple speaking in german, and then answer some questions about what they said. Before she started the tape she said with a maniac grin,”Oh, they speak kind of fast.” That was an understatement. These were Germans on speed, and this was made even more obvious when the subject of their conversation was Ostereich (sorry, I forgot the english name of the country) architecture. Oh the silly things people talk about when they are on drugs. Ever hear the Angry German Computer Kid on youtube or something? Yeah. As I moved on I made the disturbing discovery that I forgot the word bridge, and to be famous. Maybe it is because I blew all the bridges in Germany to pieces in Company of Heroes. By then I was in a coffee induced rush, and when I came to something that required me to think things out, my mind was moving far to fast to slow down, so it hurt to take time and think. The test got harder and harder, while under the maniac gaze of my teacher. I wanted more than anything to scream “What is is crap? We aren’t jews!” because I knew deep down, those boots she was wearing weren’t there for fashion. I saved the writing section for last and moved onto the true and false section. I loved those, so easy. Not this time. It was a trap. A trap that wasted valuable time. There were 6 questions. 5 of them were false, and I had to search the page of information to find that it wasn’t even there. My teacher then told us we had 5 minutes left. Can I get a sieg heil with that? I had one section left, the writing. I had to write a story about me visiting a big city, all in past-perfect tense. If only I knew what that was. So I stuck everything in the past tense, which wasn’t too hard. To sum up the story I wrote, Paul, Aaron and I went on a weekend trip to Regensburg. We went into a church. Then we went swimming in a river. Das alles. I know I did not fail it, but I cant hope for an A either. I have too much to worry about in Chem and Anatomy to study German as much as I need to, and I am afraid this is only the beginning.Noob Rant

Noobs…

Oh the Noobs.

I hate them. And at the same time, I love them to death.

In recent years, the gaming industry has sky-rocketed. With this came a multitude of online games, where you are able to methodically murder others across the cyberspace world. 

With one vs. one games, came multi player games. That is when the n00bs began to emerge…

At first, no one cared if they were fighting against a sucky player, it was an easy win. But when these players began relying on n00bs to help them win the game, that’s when the pain began. 

We are all n00bs at one time, and the time it takes to graduate from being a n00b and move onto the bigger world of competitive gaming is different for all of us.

However… there are those… many… who seem to never graduate, and forever remain n00bs. Forever ruining games.

As with the many types of games out there, there are many different kinds of n00bs, and each offers their own special kind of torment. With every type and situation though, n00bs can make the game hilarious.

First Person Shooter n00bs:

First person shooter games offer a challenge of hand eye coordination, knowledge of the terrain and weapons being used. Some FPS’s offer the chance to drive vehicles,  fly aircraft, and man turrets of death and destruction. Sadly, there are many who venture onto the field of battle with a level of hand eye coordination that rivals a blind senior citizen. And when vehicles capable of mass destruction are introduced to these sad individuals… the carnage never ceases. Neither do the laughs. There are many types of n00bs in these FPS games, so I will list the most common (and hideous) ones.

Foot soldier n00b:

These characters will either roam aimlessly and endlessly throughout the map, or sit in one place doing gosh knows what. The reason they seem to be lost is because they are, they don’t know where the heck they are going. They just hope they find an enemy so they can (try to) shoot at them. Sometimes they venture off the map, and due to the fact that deserters are shot on sight, they die in probably the most retarted way. Occasionally the boredom of wandering without finding an enemy gives rise to a EXTREMELY serious condition known as “Amateur-Team Killing” It is just that, a n00b version of team killing. They attempt to target their own allies, usually achieving only their own death. However, when the other player puts the n00b where he belongs,on the ground in a pool of his own blood, he is usually kicked from the server for team killing, even if he just removed a thorn from the team’s side. When a n00b happens upon an enemy, either by finally finding one or by following an allie to the fight, he will attempt to engage him in combat. This is when the laughing begins. Foot soldiers are usually armed with an automatic weapon, which offers the ability to lay down volleys of bullets with a high rate of fire. However, the harsh re-coil of these weapons quickly will throw the users aim off. n00bs do not seem to understand this concept. They open fire in the general direction of the enemy, unloading the entire magazine. Pretty soon they are shooting at the sky or already being pumped full of lead. Usually the n00b will stand still while shooting, right out in the open. Sometimes the n00b will even ignore the fact that he is being shot at, and will keep on running until he has his head aired out. Lastly, foot soldier n00bs usually do not know they are carrying more than one weapon, and will never discover where the enemy and his allies are coming up with these grenades and pistols. And when they do find out they have grenades tied to them… I will let your mind wander on that one.

 

Sniper n00bs

Probably the most hated group of mine, they have recently made my favorite class frowned upon and even considered the n00b class. The art of sniping is quite alluring to players. The thought of picking off soldiers with a high powered rifle from a tall building without being seen drives n00bs into a frenzy. Snipers in BF2 are very common, but finding one that actually kills more than he is killed is very rare. It is normal now to look up at the top of the highest building in the city and see 5 snipers standing there. However, if your an enemy, you have nothing to worry about. Walking across the open plaza beneath the tower of death is no sweat, you just need to ignore the shots hitting the ground in a 30 ft radius around you. They just royally suck at aiming. Thing is… they don’t even know they suck. They also don’t seem to know that you can lay down, and instead stand in the middle of the street aiming a hefty rifle at you, firing as fast as he can pull the trigger. The only thing that is good about these n00bs is that they make excellent targets for an enemy sniper, as all he needs to do is go to a spot that gives a good view of the tallest building, and it is bound to be top heavy with n00bers.

The Fly Boys:

When high speed aircraft and helicopters (especially the helicopters…) were introduced to the game, the n00bs were drawn to them. They were ‘cool’ in their eyes. However… it is very difficult (even for me) to fly these things. Thus born the most annoying and laughable type of n00bs, the fly boys. Fly boys only play the game to fly. That’s all they can do, fly. And still, they cant even do that. They will start the game at the nearest airfield. Because there are very few aircraft on each map, massive herds of flyboys group on the airfield, much like a band will draw in mindless fans. It has become a sport to launch weapons of mass destruction at airfields, as you will most likely achieve a hight death count. Snipers also venture to these airfields, and love to pick off the flyboys as they scamper around the airfield wondering why they are dieing. Funny thing is, they don’t know how to fight back, even the ACE dawgs that rule the skys cant lift a finger in ground combat. Once a fly boy finally gets ahold of an aircraft, the fun begins. All they want to do is fly, and they have little or no idea what exactly they are going to do once they get airborne, and how they heck they will help the time leave. But they done it, they have their plane. As soon as the fly boy hears the jet scream to life, his senses are overrun with excitement. Once he is in the air, he is the happiest kid in the world, even if he is getting shot to pieces. He roars across the sky, and pretty soon he wants to try some 1337 stunts. However, the slightest attempt to redirect the path of the aircraft other than straight ahead will cause the n00b to plummet to his death. There is nothing more funny than witnessing a jet come rocketing down from the sky, usually upside down, and smashing into the ground, followed by a chat msg along the lines of “o crap!1 lololol” or “wtf???/loll”. You can eject from these flying coffins, but most n00bs are brave and go down with the ship. Either that or they dont know how to jump out, and when they do, they usually dont use the parachute… Think about it, they board a combat jet without knowing how to use a parachute. The entire time the n00b is arborn, he is usually laughing like a maniac out loud Then begins the wait in line again. If his airfield is overrun by the enemy and no longer yields aircraft for him to crash, he will quit the game and join another server where his team has not yet failed him. Thus is the life of a fly boy.

Vehicle n00b

 

Like jets that can pull off mach-3, 20 ton tanks also draw in the n00b crowd. They are loud, heavy, fast, and big. A n00bs dream. Like Aircraft n00bs, these guys will attempt to locate the nearest tank, jeep, HUMVEE, or APC. Heck, anything with wheels. Once they found their wheels, they will drive out of the base in a fashion much like a drunk driver would. They plow through anything, be it allies or walls. It is best to stay away from these n00bs, as they seem to think they have the right of way when they come barreling down the street into the fight, and usually crush many of their own team under the treads of their 20 ton tank. Most vehicles offer surprisingly powerful firepower, and when a n00b suddenly gains that power, the results are either devastating or pathetic. Once in a tank, the visibility is reduced, and so is the n00bs ability to distinguish friend or foe. It has happened to me many a time when I blow cover to run across the street, only to have my body flung 15 yards from a shell fired from a friendly tank. Either that, or the n00bs completely waste what they are driving. Sadly, some maps require a strong armored force to counter the enemy as well as spearhead attacks, such as Karkand. If this armored force is commanded by n00bs, it is hard to win. Some n00bs drive like senior citizens, and pretty soon find themselves stuck inside rubble, barriers, walls, buildings, allies, trees, rocks, allied tanks and the like. Once stuck they attempt to escape, while being smashed in from all sides from anti-tank fire. Even if they aren’t in combat, n00bs will abandon their tanks when they drive into a ditch or off a cliff. Some even seem to think tanks can float. Some n00bs even manage to flip their tank over. Gamers still do not know how they do that. What makes the vehicle n00bs so bad is the fact that they cause team kills in hideous amounts. Engineers are able to repair damaged vehicles by walking up to it and whipping out his trusty monkey wrench. Sadly, some n00bs tend to forget that there is a kind engineer right behind his tank, and smash him flat when they go in reverse. Now comes the Engineers worse nightmare. Most engineers know that n00bs + tank + anti-tank mines = Severe pain. Engineers are able to plant anti-tank mines to keep enemy tanks from hauling it through their base, smashing everything in its path. However, the mines cannot distinguish friends from foe, and will detonate when an allie runs over them with a vehicle just as it would an enemy. n00bs usually barrel down streets and open fields as fast as the vehicle they are driving can take them, and ignore the huge red skull and crossbones icon that shows on their screen indicating that there is a friendly mine nearby. The engineer sees what is going to happen and starts screaming in chat “MINES! I MINED THE STREET! GET BACK!” The n00b doesn’t seem to notice this and the engineer watches helplessly as the tank is blown apart. The engineer gets a team kill for this, and sometimes two to five more if there is a friendly in the tank or APC. This will cause the engineer’s score to go into the negatives, and maybe even a kick from the server. Ah.. Vehicle n00bs…Now sadly there are many more types of n00bs out there. However, there is an opposite end of the spectrum. These people are not good at the game, they ARE the game. They breathe it, feel it, smell it. They are one with the game.I do not associate myself as one of these beings, and I can never hope to achieve their level greatness. These individuals are given no name, and are spoken of in hushed tones.I will break the silence and describe several of the types that one might encounter. But hope that you will never meet one of these beings in combat, for they will leave you an awe.Red Baron/ACE: These individuals rule the sky’s with an iron fist, riding a mythical chariot that spews death and destruction. They begin the game much like a aircraft n00b, at the airfield. But do not confuse them with a n00b. You never see them, nor hear them, until it is too late. Although they fly jets that create a rather loud noise, they are able to strike from above and disappear into the sky’s with little or no trace, leaving destruction in their wake. Witnessing one of these attacks is truly an awesome sight. One such time I glanced up at the death screen, and noticed that a certain player was killing off my allies at an alarming rate with a jet. So I haul it to the nearest Anti-Aircraft gun so I can defend myself. The AA gun is able to track jets with a sensor, and a box will appear over the jet when it is locked on along with a beeping noise. I scanned the sky’s for the assailant, but got nothing. It was only when I looked straight up that a box appeared, accompanied by the sound of an approaching jet. He was coming at me from above. Before I could squeeze off a shot he already had the entire area bombed to kingdom come. He then made a 360 right before he hit the ground and rocketed back into his home in the sky. In 5 secs, he killed my entire squad as well as me, and vanished from sight. Scary…  

Let go of him you FILTH!

 I saw the movie “The Mist” the other day with Drew Dawg and my bro.  I will not go into it much incase anyone wants to still see it (don’t)  I will say this though, it was one of the only movies that made me glad that we were given dominion over all of earths creatures, thus are the dominant species of the planet.  Is it scary? It disturbed me. Steven King is a sick freak.  Not a date movie.  And a quote from Dawg ,” That was the worst movie I have ever seen.”   Don’t go into The Mist.   I mean it.  

Who are we going to slap in the house next year

Will write more later, but for now… a look into what the people of WoW think about Hillary. (Hillary fans, you may leave the room now)Yeah… I know the opinions of these people are serious business, don’t need to remind me.  

Proof that God exists

I showed up this morning  understanding it was do or die time. 

I couldn’t sleep the night before, and I woke up at 6 feeling so horrible that I could not understand how it is possible I was capable of living. 

 

Unfortunately for me, I was.

I walked into that room, close to lethal amounts of caffeine running in my veins, ready to do business with the devil itself!

I sat down, and waited as my death sentence made its way across the row, finally landing in my hands. When I scrawled my name on that cursed document, it felt as if I was writing away the rights to my own sanity.  

 And it begun. 

For fifteen minutes straight I battled with the beast, pulling every trick I attempted to master over the weekend, but it was always ahead of the game. It soon became apparent that this was a battle I could not win. The enemy lifted its ugly ahead and let out a blood-curdling roar, signifying its unholy victory over my nobel yet weak resistance. 

 Just then, in the middle of my darkest moment, just as my enemy raised its fist to tear me down and smother me in all of its darkness, I heard a noise.

At first it was like a whisper, but it grew.

Singing.

It was the most joyous noise I have ever heard, and accompanying it came a light that shown down like a gleaming sword, which struck my adversary down! 

The fire alarm had been pulled.

 The test was canceled, fifteen minutes in. 

Do not be surprised my friends if I become a holy monk of England, because after this event I now know the true feeling of being touched by the brightest light.